Faith 3.0

I would have to say the shape of my faith has stretched dramatically in the last… 6+ years.  It started when God was leading us to leave Coffeyville into what - we didn’t know yet.  It continued when we went to the next place, flourished spiritually and struggled financially.  The first few months in our new church there I just cried through worship and more every week.  Such a burden was being lifted. And such healing was happening from recent things and things long past that I hadn’t allowed myself to re-visit and allowed God to heal.  Then came the cross-country move.  Another big step on the faith journey - learning who I was apart from my husband all over again now that I was no longer a minister’s wife, at least in the way I knew it thus far.  Taking a big new step in motherhood and parenting with homeschooling for a while and all the self-doubt through that time.  Learning to connect through community in our own home and trying to put down roots there in our community group and through my friends at the co-op.  My picture of what God has not just for me but for the Church just continued to get bigger.  As you felt drawn more to the things closest to the heart of Jesus (hunger, thirst, poverty, etc.), I felt myself drawn to those things, too.  The church I’d known became more of The Church to me than ever. 

And then God asked us if we were ready to go again.  To another new frontier here in Georgia.  We had no good reason to go other than God’s leading.  And honestly this has been the most difficult move yet.  I often feel alienated in such a large community and large school.  I am thankful to have found 2 families here to connect with, although in separate circles.  At this point I think in the past I would have expected myself to say that here is where I felt myself pushed even closer to the Lord.  Instead, I have found myself in a desert of sorts.  I want my promised land to be an eventual move back closer to family, although that will still be starting over again.  I begin to wonder if this is the promised land that the Lord intends for me.  I believe so most of the time.  But I think I find myself identifying with the Israelites more and more.  As I wander I tend to grumble and wonder ‘are we there yet?!?’  I often feel somewhat forgotten and get so impatient.  And visits home to family and community with history in it make it all that much harder for me.  I’ve tried very hard to fulfill the lifelong calling of ‘bloom where you’re planted’ that the Lord has placed as a mantle over my life.  It just seems I struggle to do so, this time. 

And yet, I also have to say that the horizon of who God is just continues to get bigger and bigger.  I have more freedom from man-made and self-imposed restrictions than I’ve ever known.  I have more grace upon others and upon myself than I have before.  I have more peace about my and others’ spiritual journey than before.  I realize that a closeness with the Lord looks different in every one of us and that it isn’t determined by the amount of hours you serve, or pray or read your Bible.  I realize that it isn’t only the disciplined that get to enjoy the sweetness of His presence.  I realize I don’t have to get it exactly right to be blessed.  I realize that I have blindspots in my character.  And others do, too.  And that’s why we need grace on one another so desparately - especially in The Church, especially as mothers and fathers, especially as daughters and sons, and especially as sisters and brothers and friends.  We all blow it.  We all get it a little off center.  We all indulge ourselves in certain ways we shouldn’t and deprive ourselves in other ways we shouldn’t.  And yet, He wants us - half-bloated with pride, half-starved for authenticity, half-cocked in irrationality and sometimes half-crazed! Half-good intentions, half- dismal failure.  Half- struggling parent, half-forgetful child.  Half- empathetic ear, half- apathetic hands.  Half-frozen with fear, half-burned from hurt.  He wants us ~ just as we are.  And He wants others just as they are.  No matter what our blindspots are or theirs, He wants us.  So I guess I’m glad you asked the questions today, because had I not taken the time to reflect upon this journey, I think I may not have recognized all that He’s shown me, lifted from me, brought me to.  So ~ thanks for asking.

Andrea, I think you are the one person that makes me tear up more than any other person (and I not really an emotional girl). Just reading this brings tears to my eyes. Maybe it’s the fact that I miss you or maybe it’s just that what you wrote is ‘real’ and it’s the ‘real you’. I can hear you saying all of this. Thanks for sharing.

Oh and it sounds like you are ready for Priscilla’s new study One. The Journey to Your Promised Land.

Chris great analogy.

Andrea,
Wow!  You really made me stop and think.  You are gifted in being able to articulate your journey and see God’s hand in it.  Thanks for sharing.

Wow!  Two blogs for the price of one. (Andrea, you need to find a way to share your written thoughts more often! Not so subtle hint that you need to be blogging.)  Thanks for asking us to reflect, to take the time to look back at where God has been leading through the small and big steps.  Andrea’s description of all of the halves is how I often feel and I stand amazed that God still wants us even in that state.  His picture of what we are becoming has always been big, I am just slow sometimes in installing those updates to get me there.  Good thoughts to reflect on from both of you.

God gives us ‘it all’ and we give back some little thing and it thrills Him. He never asks “that’s it?” or offers tips on how to make our gift better. And I love that about Him.

Do I sound wise beyond my 23 years? That’s because Andrea wrote that on my friends blog about half… butting… our service/gifts/worship, etc.

This is why all her Bible study girls found a place, however uncomfortable or contrary it sometimes was to pompous teenagers who think they have it all figured out (or was that just me?), in her teaching—she discipled us into fluid relationships with God, she asked the questions we were hoping not to have to answer, she loved without judgment and she wisely addendum-ed the list of things we figured out about God, encouraging us to keep going.

I don’t get enough Andrea in my life these days. How about a blog? :)

Andrea~

Well said.  I remember that it used to be a dream of yours to be a speaker, like Beth Moore, perhaps writing should be an avenue that you pursue.  Ever thought about that?  Just asking!! :-)  Love you, friend!

Wow, I am reminded once again, how valued a friend and mentor you are to me, Andrea. It seems like without you realizing it…or maybe sometimes you do, you always have a way to write or say the things I need to hear and realize in my own life. I’m so incredibly thankful that God has blessed not just me with you—but also you and Chris for Andy and me. I know we only live 2 1/2 hrs apart now….but will you please write more so that I can soak you up even more?!? Please?!?

Andrea, after I read your comment, my thought was “Yep.”  You articulate it so well.  I remember so well talking about some of those struggles so many years ago and recently.  It’s good to put it into words, so others can ponder on it and apply to their own lives.  We all struggle and it’s good to know others are in the same boat.  We just don’t tell each other about it very often because everybody wants to seem spiritually “got-it-goin’-on”.  Your words are wisdom and encouragement.  You and Chris should tag team more often…or just you write.  Where’s your blog?  -Alec

Andrea, great comments! I have had the honor of watching you and Chris grow for many years. Of course, I have known Chris longer than you, but what you have said is so very true. With all the struggles and tragedy my family has been through in the past months, I can’t imagine what it would be like without my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Andrea, I really wish you would start blogging.  I love to hear your thoughts - especially with us being so far away from each other.  You don’t always have to write deep thoughts - although I know you have those and would love to hear those too.  I would also love to just hear funny stories about the kids or just hear (and see pictures) from what you guys are doing.  I kind of feel like a hypocrite telling you need to blog since I haven’t blogged for a month.  I’m planning on writing several blogs when I have my alone time when Kenneth is at camp and the boys are with grandparents/friends.  We loved having you guys here and can’t wait to see you in Florida.

Written so beautifully because it is from the purity/authenticity of your heart.  That’s what I love about you!
I am so thankful that God has given me you to walk with on this path.  I don’t say enough what a gift you are to me (and obviously so many others).
Love you, girl!

I have always tried to keep up with you both thru Blaire and Andy. After seeing you guys and your beautiful family made me realize how much I missed while you were here in Kansas. I wish I hadn’t been so bitter about church when you were here as after reading BOTH of your blogs I truly missed out an a great relationship with two lovely people who are true inspirations from God. Thank you Andrea for your heartfelt words and encouragement that my relationship with God and my family has more blossoming and growing to do. Thank you Chris for your continued inspiration. You have BOTH been blessed with the ways to help those of us who need it. Love you.

Andrea - Wow!  I feel like I know you better after reading that post than I did the whole time you guys were at G’ville.  Honest, transparent…exposed to and for the King - truly a delightful read into you and your journey.  You know, too many wives of ministers seldom take the opportunity to share their remarkable gifts with the rest of the world.  Maybe they’re busy tending to family so their husbands can minister, or maybe they feel like they are called to support a minister rather than be one.  Whatever reason you have for not sharing your depth with the rest of us - I’m not sure you can continue leaning on it.  Your secret is out - God’s speaks through you.  Don’t hide that treasure!  I love and miss you guys!  Hi to the fam.