More Impressions of “Integrity”

Yesterday I began writing about my impressions of my latest read, Integrity: The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality by Dr. Henry Cloud. Today I’ll try and finish up what impacted me through this great book. Honestly, I’ve got so many pages of notes that I could probably spend several days unpacking what I took away from reading it. Instead, I’ll try and hit some of the highlights.

Cloud spends the last portion of the book talking about what a person of integrity, one who is in touch with reality, looks like. He talks about that people of integrity don’t merely know and acknowledge the truth/the reality around them - they actively seek it out. This may be couples who spend time investing in their partner’s life by getting to know them better and better. It may be an employee who seeks out advice and feedback from peers. The reason they are so eager to know reality and the truth is because they know that they, themselves, have somewhat tainted glasses through which they see themselves and the world around them. Only by receiving truth back from others can they themselves have a greater sense of reality is, about their own lives and about what goes on around them.

Every human has faults, weaknesses, delusions, distortions, emotions that are not totally mature, lapses in judgment, and many other things that can cause problems. ... When we can see ourselves and what we are doing, we can always do something about it. But, not until. The observing ego is one of the big keys to making anything work. ...

Those who do well have an ability to “neutralize” hard truth, making it not overwhelming, but something to be looked at without all of the awful and terrible emotion that goes along with it.

Another factor of people with integrity is that they finish well. I love Cloud’s quotes here: “All things being equal, character wins.” And “People do well when they do what they do well and stay away from what they do poorly.” Now, that sounds really simplistic, but, unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who are simply not living it. They spend a great deal of time and energy on things that they are not good at, and then feel frustrated because they no longer have time to do what they are good at and truly enjoy. This may be in a relationship, like a marriage or a friendship, or in a job.

Humility is not self-depracating, but real and honest. When someone is who he or she really is and does not act as if he or she is more than he is, that is not arrogance, but secure identity.

The person of integrity has the ability to “keep going” - to push through obstacles, to never quit. Or, as he puts it, “Somehow finds a way.” Those are the people who are successful in what they do. They cut their losses and move on.

One last thing (and believe me, there are more pages and thoughts - just couldn’t stand the thought of putting this into one more day)...

Cloud talks about the fact that people of integrity do look back after they’ve moved on. They learn from where they (and others) have been. He likens it to how our body metabolizes food. He says we ‘metabolize experience.’ In other words, we take it in, we break it down into what is usable and what is not. Then we take the good and keep it to build new things - what is not usable we eliminate.

It’s looking back upon the things that we succeeded in, and look to our experience at how we contributed to that ‘victory’ in our life. It’s also looking back upon the things we failed in, so that we can learn from the losses as well.

Again, I’d highly recommend this book. Read it and then email me. I’d love to have a phone conversation, or, if you’re close by, sit down over coffee one day to hear how it impacted your life.

 

 

Posted 05.08.2008

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