The New Definition of Friendship
The term, ‘defriend,’ is a new phenomenon - a word that has yet to enter into the dictionary, but one that many of us use on a regular basis. We’ve entered into an era when the very idea of community, connectedness, and friendship have been altered (or, at least, convoluted) - in many ways to the point that the lines between virtual community and community ‘in the real world’ have blurred. That can be both a good thing and a bad thing.
I’m the first to lift up the connection that can come from meeting and interacting with people online. I’ve made several new friends through online channels - some of whom I have never met face-to-face. Yet, that lack of physical presence in no way diminishes the fact that I count them as friends. I can honestly say that my life is richer because of these new, albeit ‘virtual’, relationships.
I’ve also connected (or re-connected) with people with whom I care very little about - some out of sheer curiosity (“I wonder what they’re doing these days?”), but many times simply because I’m afraid to hurt their feelings by not accepting their online friendship ‘request’ (forget the fact that I haven’t talked to them in years - some in more than a decade). Even in cases where I care more, however, friendship has turned into being a ‘sound byte’-only (or, perhaps more appropriately for the world today, ‘status updates’-only) surface level connection.
The new definition of friendship is much harder to distinguish.
We can easily discount online friendships if we are not careful. The question people seem to point to is: How many of these people really know me? They draw a line in the sand on the basis of relational knowledge, when the truth is that most people in the ‘real world’ rarely know us well, either. We live and move amongst friends who know bits and pieces of the ‘real us.’ That lack of knowledge, however, doesn’t change the fact that many of them are our friends.
What would it look like if we treated our ‘offline’ friends in the same way we treat our ‘online’ ones?
We’d be closer to some because of the amount of energy we’d pour into interacting with them on a regular basis, to getting to know them and their interests, and to sharing real life issues and concerns and praying for one another.
Others would be lost to a world that is fast becoming a land of 144 character soap box statements, childish ‘Who Is Your Celebrity Twin?’-isque polls, and brief ‘I pick them’ moments into who we are (or, rather, who we’d like others to view us as).
The new definition of friendship is being connected more, but knowing less. We know more people who know us less.
I often wonder what would our lives look like if the world suffered a massive power failure? ... if the only community we knew was the one that we encountered face-to-face?
How would your friendships change?
I’ve got my ideas, but you go first…
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Chris shared their voice on 09.15.2009:
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Kenneth shared their voice on 09.15.2009:
Massive power failure huh? I think it would impact some of my friendships. Friendships that are half way across the country or across the world would be a little more difficult to keep up with. My opportunities to connect with that part of my community would be greatly diminished. My face-to-face friendships aren’t as dependent on the facebooks, twitter,text messages and such, but those things do help provide chances for us to touch base that we might not get at other times. Technology doesn’t make or break a friendship for me. It can make things easier, but it comes down to whether I am intentional in investing in those friendships. Face-to-face or through technology depends on how authentic I am willing to be, not on the means of doing that. I prefer the face-to-face as a virtual hug just doesn’t cut it, but either require me to be open if I am going to develop that friendship. By the way, I don’t like the new defiintion of friendship. Being connected isn’t the same as having community. I want friends who know me and I know them whether that happens on-line or in the real world doesn’t make much difference. Helping and being there in person is a definite plus for me, but technology is another useful tool. I don’t see that we have to have one or the other, but both can develop real friendships. Those are my thoughts. Not that those are new to you.